Your fingers trace her delicate frame
her lips plant kisses on your face
what you start in this dark bar,
ends in soft sighs at your place.

I’ve done this with you before
until you said
stop
no more.

I chase my shots faster
than I chased you
downing the next one quick
the next one quicker
making me number
even number
to the sharp ache of your rejection.

I drink to spite you.
I drink in the sight of her:
catching moonlight in her hair
stunning sorrow with her smile
I steal searing glances
at the woman you desire.

What’s it like to be someone
so lovely and so kind,
Whose tender heart and golden skin
is what I wish was mine?

Shame and drinks settle in me,
concealing my crimes in slurred speech,
mixed with petty jealousy.

I’d rather deny what’s beautiful,
than admit the ugliness in me.