Full of laughter and life,
you look at me and smile.
We hold our sweetness in hand
then the usual horror descends.

My apprehensive touch,
my suspicious glance,
my question resurfaces,
if I were a different person
is this what we could have had?

My memories are kind to you,
preserving your best in recurring dreams,
a thin shield from daylight’s decay.

You were never as gentle in your apathy.

Everything freezes and rewinds to when
you said I would never find anyone better
but you would never become better,
so I plummeted into hell with you.

I scream this isn’t real again.
You hold me like we’re new again.
I tell you we’ll never try again.
You call me a liar again.

How dare you make me live this again?

I claw my way to the waking world
and find my roars are just whispers wet with tears.
I already escaped your nightmare,
but you find me every night.

How many more until I sleep without your dreams?