We watched Weathering with You last week. In the movie, we follow Hodaka as he navigates a rainy and gloomy Tokyo. He eventually meets Hina, a girl who has a mysterious ability to change the weather. The animations were beautiful, to be expected from the man who brought us Your Name in 2016.

The movie was gorgeous. Tokyo was portrayed exactly as I experienced in November. It felt so real that I could almost pinpoint the exact neighborhoods even though I was grasping at their names. And yet, we left the movie unsure of how to feel… It was clearly a love story, yet I felt frustrated leaving the theater. If you haven't heard of this movie yet, here's a trailer.

Spoiler alert

The movie I watched felt disconnected. I felt like I was watching two different stories.

Through Hina's story, the rain was a metaphor for her grief. She found happiness through helping people, but it was unsustainable. It required that she give more and more of herself until she had nothing left. She was willing to do it though, since it meant a lot of people would be better off. When she chooses herself, she's essentially adapting to her grief. It'll always be there, but it doesn’t always have to consume her. It's ok to be a little selfish for your happiness.

Hodaka's story seemed like one of selfishness and survival. In a city where everyone fends for themselves, he learned to adapt. He, and many other people, were looking at Hina to help them create happiness. When she chose to sacrifice himself, he reversed it, choosing his own happiness and "survival" over Tokyo's as a whole. The city pays for his choice, eventually succumbing to the rising ocean. Sometimes, you can't help that the world is crazy and the things you can control are a type of security. It's ok to be a little selfish for your happiness.

One could say that Hodaka's story is a one of escapism. Instead of confronting his problems, he ran away, looking for easy fixes. He could have made sacrifices and lessened the burden on others, but chose not to. Those choices made everyone pay for the consequences. The world's crazy anyway, sure, but that doesn't mean we add to it and keep letting it be crazy… Especially if he could choose differently, even if it was difficult.

I've seen analyses of the movie talk about its allusions to climate change. Though on a larger scale, it felt like a story of clinging to some need or addiction or fixation so desperately… there's no choosing otherwise: Loving in spite of tragedy, the innocence of youth, and the desperate fight for what you believe in.

I suppose when people are teenagers and growing up and becoming adults… You are selfish for your own happiness. It's part of the growth. I suppose in that sense, it is realistic. I guess… I walked away from that movie feeling like there were two different, but codependent, stories. I didn't love it… But it wasn't bad either.