In August, my brothers were here on vacation. When we went to the beach, my niece got stung by a jellyfish. Trying to reason with her was a little bit difficult. Her dad asked, "Which hurts more, this or your appendix?"

Amidst her screams and sobs and cries, she sniffled out, "This, because it hurts now."

The only thing with these wounds are that they're going to hurt more than a few hours, and more than a few days.

The past 48 hours have been a whirlwind for a lot of people. There's a lot of despair and desperation equal to the amounts of vindication and victory.

You're allowed to feel hurt, angry, sad, upset. If the other side lost, they should be allowed to feel the same way too. Some of you are gloating and some of you are mourning, but that's not what this is about. Regardless, it's a shame it had to come down to this from both sides.

Calling your political critics "dumb rednecks" or "stupid liberals" separates them from you. You remove them from their full lives as people with dreams, and hopes, and goals. You strip them of their basic desires for food and shelter, safety and purpose. They feel left behind because the common rhetoric excludes them; because they're not a minority, not an immigrant, or not a female. They might not remember that they've left you out of their narrative, leaving you small paragraphs in the annals of history. They're denigrated to the point where they won't listen to anything that you say; no matter how valid and real they are to you. Even if they've done the same to you, the only thing that's real is what they feel you've done to them.

This is your president elect. Rejecting him and protesting him separates them from you. It adds another fencepost in the walls that separate us. Failing to recognize the leader that they chose is an insult to them, especially when they feel they've done the same for you for the past 8 years. Choosing to leave is a copout and it's cowardly. They didn't leave you even if they wanted to. They feel like they've won now, and will still feel like it if you leave. Those of your peers who can't leave will have yet another person who's betrayed them too. You're giving up on the country that raised you, instead of keeping it on the ever changing path to greatness.

They've hurt you, called you names, violated you, and invalidated your experiences. That hasn't changed, it still is wrong. But admit it, you've done it to them too. You've thrown names at them just as many times; it's just unfortunate that theirs are uglier and more violent. It burns that they don't recognize the power of their words and actions, and some of them never will. Theirs instigate more pain and suffering on top of the existing wounds you wield. Their experiences prevent them from recognizing the injustices you've faced, but it doesn't mean that they should be forgotten. Just because their narrative is the prevailing narrative, it doesn't stop existing. But neither does yours.

Creating this us versus them mentality means that there only can only be one winner, one true story, one proper option, one proper type of people. It's easier to do it that way. It doesn't take much thinking to diminish someone from a complex person into a one dimensional caricature of themselves. We've ridiculed each other, hurt each other, and dismissed each other enough.

That needs to stop.

While many of us may fall closer to the middle, the ones on the fringes are dragging us down with them on both sides. We need to stop using our words to hurt and start using them to help.

It'll be hard because it means that we need to shut up and stop talking.

People's perspectives will change based on their own personal experiences, and their memories are the realest things to them. They're the only things they can validate as true because they've seen and experienced it in their own eyes. If we don't see it, it might not exist. A life of luxury doesn't exist for people who've lived in poverty all their lives; a life free of violence doesn't exist for people who see death every day. Security and safety remain dreams unless realized - if ever realized.

We need to listen to each other. Our solutions can become as complex as the people whose problems they're trying to solve. The more discussion we have between different sides, the more perspective we gain. With more perspective, we can come to a more willing compromise to achieve our end goals. We're not always going to agree, but discussing it with people will at least help them understand what they may fundamentally disagree with.

Listening happens best when you can see how someone is listening to you. Sit down and talk with each other, and let them be vulnerable in private and safely with you. Stop criticizing people on Facebook. Using your screen as a shield from confrontation also prevents us from empathizing with each other. We all know that a little more empathy is going to be needed. If we can accept that experience is the best teacher, then we need to teach each other what that means.

It'll be scary, and it will be hard. You're going to face opposition from each other now more than ever because everything we've worked for together has been invalidated by hateful speech. We can't address divisiveness with more divisiveness, because we will divide and divide until we're left tiny, single, and alone. If we don't work together, we're going to lose what already makes us great. We need to keep trying so that the sacrifices of people who have felt marginalized, been lambasted, and were dismissed are not wasted. We need to remember that everyone is valuable, as are their perspectives and experiences. Our futures need to include everyone, even those with whom we fundamentally disagree.

This means that we don't give up.

It means we have to work harder and persevere knowing that we may not win in our lifetimes. It means that no matter how many times we fail, we keep trying to help each other towards compassion and empathy. No matter how much we beat each other up, that our loyalty to our country and each other is stronger than the words and actions that divide us. We eat, we sleep, and we breathe, but we need to love more strongly than our capacities for hatred. We've seen what we can do at our absolute worst, but there is and never has been a limit or precedence for our absolute best. We need to rebuild our communities with everyone involved, no matter how resistant some of us might be to the change.

My niece remembered her prior pain, so she knew it could get better. It would. She just didn't know when. So I told her a story of a girl more clever than the people around her. She didn't let them feel stupid for not being as smart, but she helped them recognize her agency, and the power in her intelligence.

Change can happen. The Chick-Fil-A CEO did it. Other people around you can too. It means we will be need to be patient. We need to learn how to forgive each other, despite the pain that we've caused each other. Remembering prior pain doesn't mean that we forget it. However, it does mean we need to give each other space to grow. Some people may not understand it yet, but it doesn't mean that they won't ever. We won't know until we give them the chance. It'll take baby steps with each other as exercising the first reaction of compassion takes practice. It takes time. We need to give each other the time to grow, and the chance to experiment safely in places we do not understand yet.

We need to get better at sharing our stories. Our stories of love and of hate create empathy. They can instigate rage, but they can inspire hope. I talked about the idea of community last month, and we'll need it more than ever. People who understand the plight of their peers and friends need a platform to share their experiences safely. Communities of faith do a good job of creating the foundation and structure necessary in maintaining a group identity. Their weekly meetings and celebrations of faith provide consistent platform for discourse. What neither do well is making it a standard to bring these two strengths together. Our vulnerabilities and weaknesses are our best weapons in mobilizing empathy. We can't change the fundamental parts of our individual identities, but we can force people to see its importance to us. To do that, we need to see what's important to them.

America's greatness is in our ability to evolve and pivot in changing times. America's greatness is also in the communities we seek to build every day. We're all capable of the same, but we all know it needs a lot more work. Change doesn't happen overnight, and expecting it to do so leaves flimsy ground for us to stand on.

Stop yelling on Facebook and start talking to each other. Learn to become peers and allies by finding your disagreements and discussing why you feel and think the way you do. Stop interrupting and start listening. Celebrate what we do right and respectfully correct each other on what could be better. Persevere when it's difficult, and tap each other out when we're tired. We're a team. Despite all the shouting and the hate that vibrates through the air, hope remains a quiet whisper in trying times.

And we all need to try a little harder.