Would you approve of my choices,
whenever you were?
Never mind,
I knew you didn’t.

Yet,
I silently pled for permission.
I spun countless lies of omission.
The truth never made a difference.
You slipped in and out of focus,
Your disapproval haunts me from a distance.

When I asked for your company,
for you to abandon your monotony,
you said no every time.
When smoke slips from your lips,
I fade away before your next hit.

When we occupy space and time
in the same sober frame of mind,
we fight and I cry and you turn into stone.
Incensed by my damp eyes,
you light your matches for our funeral pyre.

I pray that this fire would be our demise
so you can chase your precious highs
so I can stop weaving flimsy lies.

When the fire dies from our tears or lack of fuel,
we resurrect ourselves from the ashes,
our phoenix curse renewed.